Monday, February 9, 2009

Too funny not to post...

I'm not trying to be mean.  Really, I'm not.  But I just had to retell my morning's experience in a Dr's office.  I went to see an OB/GYN in hopes to have an ultrasound of this critter in my womb.  I was filled to the brim with water so as to have a full stomach (as they always tell you over the phone before you go to get an ultrasound in late pregnancy)...which is really just cruel and painful punishment at this stage.  The medical assistant (MA) called my name and I went to the back of the office with her.

MA:  "Here is a cup.  Pea in it and bring it back to me."
Me:  "I'm hoping to have an ultrasound today.  Wouldn't the DR want a full bladder?  Maybe I should do this after the ultrasound?"
MA:  "That is ridiculous.  You don't need a full bladder."
Me:  "Are you SURE I should pee NOW in this cup?"

I should break now to tell you about a similar experience when I was carrying Riley.  I was told to drink 32 oz. of water 45 minutes before the ultrasound.  The woman on the phone told me that if I didn't have enough water in me, they would make me come back another day.  Fast forward three years and I've already driven an hour to be at this DR's office, waited my turn to be called.  The last thing I want is to lay on my back, uncomfortably, and have the Dr say, "Didn't they tell you to drink before you came in here?"   Anyway......

MA:  (now visibly annoyed with me) "What, are you pregnant?"
Me:  (self esteem in the tubes-- can she really not tell?)  I motion with my eyes for her to take a good look at me.  (all the while thinking-- are you really asking me this question?  this practice is called "New Beginnings" after all...only pregnant women come here.)
MA:  Just do it.
Me:  Okay.

I pee in the cup...and give it to her.  She takes me to another room and sits me down to take my blood pressure, weigh me (ugh!), and ask me a million questions.

MA:  How many live children do you have?
Me:  One
MA:  Date of birth and gender?
Me:  August 19th, 2005 and male
MA:  What hospital did you deliver him at?
Me:  He was born at home (a thrill of "I-AM-WOMAN-HEAR-ME-ROAR" pride goes through me)
MA:  Vaginal or Cesarean?
Me:  (thinking-- did she really just ask me that?)

Can you imagine?  A complete surgical procedure done by two midwives on the floor of my bedroom!  Wow-- now that is something to think about.

Sorry to leave you hanging.  Yes, I did get the ultrasound after all.  I never mentioned my empty bladder to the DR, not wanting her to turn me away.  And she never made any comments about it it ended up just fine.  Am I crazy girls or what?  Aren't you supposed to have a full bladder before the ultrasound?  Enough about that...the funniest part to me was her asking me if my home birth was vaginal or cesarean.  I should have said cesarean.  If I had, I bet she wouldn't have even noticed.

The ultrasound was quick and to the point.  It was actually disappointingly short.  She measured the femur and looked for four chambers in the heart, two kidneys, the umbilical cord insertion, etc.  In the end she printed out one abstract picture of the head.  Not the cute face, but the in top down.  

Turns out we have a 3 lb, 11oz bean inside.  She said her guess is the baby will be a 8 pounder.  She was amazed at the size of Riley (now and at birth- he was 8 lbs 14oz...not HUGE, but big enough) and said she didn't know how I did it.  (Me:  thinking...just like every other woman in the world, one push at a time...)

I have another appointment in two weeks for a more thorough ultrasound on a more high tech machine.  I'm looking forward to that.  I just have to remember for them NOT to tell me the gender. 


Sara said...

I think that MA needs to find another line of work!

April said...

You're not in Humboldt any more Dorothy! That is so hillarious, seriously, too funny. So...did you get the ultrasound after all?? Please don't tell me they wouldn't let you have one because you emptied your bladder, (then told you "Why isn't your bladder full" of course??!;)

the mom~ said...

LOL...I think people are so routine with their asking they dont even realize did you get the ultreasound without a full bladder???

JennE said...

so,,, what happened next you left us hanging on a cliff -- please finish your funny story, i am giggling

April said...

I had 4 ultrasounds with Justin, so I'm a veteran here! From what I know you do need a full bladder for an ultrasound. If it's too full it can obscure the picture though. This happened to me at about 2 months; The dr. claimed that "There is nothing in there." I peed and magically Justin appeared in the picture. I think that at the very end of the pg - like last 2 months - a full bladder isn't as important because the baby is so large it is easy to see. What she should have told you, (which I've been told before), is to only fill the cup, leaving the bladder still somewhat full. You're probably far along enough that the tech was able to find baby with some maneuvering. Sorry this got so long!!

April said...

Oh, since we're getting technical here, I forgot to say that at my 2 mo. u/s I was told only to empty some of my they could see the baby (if there was one in there)...yeah, that was easy! Try only emptying some of your pee when you're about to pop!!

April said... more thing...I would call before your next u/s and ask specifically about the full bladder, etc. If it's a high tech machine it may be more finicky about the amount of, ahem - pee in your bladder.

JennE said...

I had ultrasounds with both pregnancy's and don't recall ever being told either way about my "PEE" so.. for what it is worth I don't think it matters with today's machines!

Jamie and James said...

That's a funny story. I don't know, but I've NEVER been told I needed a full bladder, and they give one every month in Turkey. It's never been a problem. What was that MA thinking?! And why in the world would they give an expecting mother a shot of the top of the baby's head?! Hope the next one is better!

roshekie said...

I've never had an ultrasound while I was pregnant, but that sounds about right regarding the hospital staff... If she had a cattle prod she wouldn't have hesitated to use it on you! Move it along, sister!!

Garrett R Taylor said...

Hehehe I am in giggle mania about all of these comments! Cattle prodding and pee in bladders and all. But your little OBGYN tale couldn't have funnier. Oh Tracy, more stories!! More more more!